What to avoid
Good intentions can still push someone away. These habits are easy to fall into, especially if you grew up Muslim.
Do
- Share one thing at a time
- Say what is a ruling and what is a custom
- Be gentle, and thank them for trying
- Keep what they tell you private
Avoid
- Giving a long list of rules at once
- Presenting culture as religion
- Harsh correction or shaming
- Comparing them to other Muslims
- Gossip about their story
Culture is not religion
Food, clothes, language, and wedding customs from your family may be lovely, but they are not Islam. A new Muslim can stay who they are.
A mentor is tempted to correct their mentee's clothing.
- You say: I am happy you are learning. Would it help to look at how others approach modest dress, whenever you feel ready?
Name changes and dress are personal. Do not push them overnight. If they ask, help them ask a scholar.
Gentleness decorates
Verily, lenience is not found in anything but it adorns it, and it is not removed from anything but it makes it defective.
Sahih Muslim 2594
A new Muslim keeps an old family dish for the holiday. What do you do?
Go slowly, separate culture from religion, and let gentleness lead.
